Flu? Bah.

There's gotta be a reason why "flu" is spelled with an "f" and a "u". Christ.

This time, it's been weird. Fluctuating temperatures, strange sleep patterns, crazy shivering...out of all the flu bugs I've had over the past 30 years, this one's been just odd.

I did vomit once, and even that wasn't bad. Not typical. Usually it's violent and in the middle I tyically make two offers. One to a god, and one to a devil. The one who makes it go away gets to do whatever they want with/to me. Nobody decides to step in and intervene, so I just suffer for a few days and get on with my life.

But this time it sucks. It's December 31st. And what's my chump ass doing for New Year's? Eating chicken broth and watching someone's ball drop. I might slam a beer, just for gits and shiggles.

On the bright side of things, I doubt I'll miss work at all. I hate missing work. I understand and completely comply with the fact that I'm probably contagious, and if they want to send me home, they can and should...but that doesn't mean I'm not going to show up. I'm not that asshole employee who goes home sick when his pubes scratch him the wrong way or when he gets an eyelash stuck between his eye and eyelid. No. I'm better than that!

Save the toddler, save the world.

Screwdriver head child.

Apparently the tot in this story has some amazing regenerative abilities, a la Claire from NBC’s Heroes. With barely any bleeding, and a slight scar on her eyelid, she’s just fine, vision and all.

Now, my twist on the story is that every time I was dragged to church, I felt like sticking a screwdriver in my eye. I never had the balls to do it, but this kid? I’m impressed.

Another question; If one does not believe in god, do they still have to capitalize every reference to it? Him, He, God, His Lord Al Mighty, the Father, the Big Guy…etc…etc? I don’t ever remember reading in the “Yellow Book of English Rules” we had in our possession in the 8^th grade (follow the Yellow Book rules! Follow the Yellow Book rules!) about having to ever use that kind of capitalization, but I only ever just skimmed the thing. I remember it having rules for pre-internet internet references. That was weird.

I miss the 8^th grade. That was, um, 1990? Wow. The lottery was just introduced, and Doug Engel was getting his ass kicked by my friend Chuck Williams for being a prick. Those were the days.

Down with the sickness.

I’m not sick. But I fear that I soon will be. Everybody at work has some form of the shit that monkey had in Outbreak, starring Dustin Hoffman.

Poor monkey.

Jawbreakers and T-shirts

Today I’m eating Jawbreakers that are no less than two years old, and I’m not ashamed of doing so. There’s so many foodstuffs out there that spoil within a much smaller timeframe than Jawbreakers, that I’m 100% confident that doubly wrapped candy spheres pose no immediate threat to my well-being. Now, tooth decay and the occasional bit tongue are always a possibility, but those are expected, provided that I choose to be careless about maintaining the cleanliness and safety of my mouth. I’m not too worried about being careless.

I’m retiring my Khan/Kirk design in the next few days and I’m trying to figure out what to make next. In the meantime I want to make a few more shirts and do a couple of prints, to sort of commemorate the retirement. I’m going to miss my first design, but I need to make more. MORE!

Before I decide to start any more projects:

I need to finish the ones I’ve already started.

The list goes as follows:

1. Finish printing 10 more Khan shirts, print off some posters/textiles…experiment. then erase the screen and design something new.
2. Make a Handbook for the Recently Diseased. (Deceased. It’s Recently Deceased.)
3. Finish that stupid “Hidden book/Ipod cubby.
4. Make more magnets.
5. Finish side pegboard video game controller holder. This means put the contact paper on it, and everything.
6. Figure out everything else that’s not on this list, then add it to this list, before any new ideas get formed. They’re addictive, and I like to think of them more than I like to finish them.

I work with a bunch of Sickos

Seriously. Now, I get sick. Everybody gets sick. But, why is everybody else sick except for me? I've got the "Constant Cougher", the "Polite Cougher", the "Force-the-phlegm-out-of-your-throat Hacker", the "Always Sniffler"...the list isn't endless, but it's long.

I will never claim to be the healthiest, but it would be so nice to not have to have the soundtrack of mucus permeating through the cubes.

The Dirty Thirties

This is my decade. I've beaten myself up for far too long that I haven't done anything worth talking about. I hate to compare myself to people, but I know people who have experienced thing I might never get the opportunity to.

Then I realized that the last 10 years just weren't my years.

This is my decade. I've got 10 years to make a difference in my life.

The effort starts today.

Beware.

Ringtoned office

I know that someone in the office has a Nokia phone.

I also know that someone in the office has Cingular as a service.

Without even asking...want to know my secret? Those people haven't changed their goddamn default ringer.

You're given an option to change your ringer because you can. DO IT.

Fine dining and the price of consumerism...

I recently learned that tapas is the name for a wide variety of appetizers in Spanish cuisine. I also learned that it means small and overpriced and not that tasty.

Upon dining at Solera I realized that I don't know what kinds of food there are that are out there. I also realized that I don't care too much.

Gimme my steak and 'tatos. Well...just gimme my steak, I can do without the 'tatos.

I ate lunch.

Wendy's. I had the artery clogging Triple Cheeseburger with a biggie fries and a soda pop. It was really good, but I can never finish it.

I was eating with Stanley, and we chatted about something...I'm sure it had something to do with ice fishing, ice fisting, nice fisting or something like that. I got to the final lap of the burger eating marathon, and gave up with 3-4 solid bites left.

I put the burger remains in it's greasy foil wrapper, and slide it back into the equally greasy white bag.

"What are ya doing?!?" Stanley asked in a not-so-calm, hungry manner.

"Um...I'm done," I said with grease still coating my beard.

"You're throwing away the best part!"

Now, I'm thinking...does he recycle? Is he talking about the tinfoil? Nah...Stanley wants meat, and Stanley wants it now.

He grabs my bag and opens it up, trying hard not to get any MORE grease on the grease on his hooded sweatshirt. After tearing open the tinfoil wrapper, and spreading the buns, he grabs the meat, and seductively tosses it in his mouth.

I know the last paragraph reads like a fat kid's wet dream, and let me tell you...from what I saw, it pretty much was. I was full, Stanley wasn't anywhere near full...but I'm sure we were both happy.

I thought I'd share that with you. Lesson learned: if you're not gonna finish your food, there's a good bet that the fat kid will. Give him your meat or he will starve.

We had an office sleep over last night.

It was weird.

We played spin the white-out.

Made out with a bunch of girls in the supply closet. Not at the same time. I'm suggesting that for the next office sleepover.

We made coffee and popcorn. Then we watched OSHA regulation videos and training videos.

Sally used toner ink for eyeliner, and had to go to the hospital. She may lose the sight in her left eye for a week or so. I bet she'll look funny with an eyepatch.

We all passed out around 5 am after like 20 games of Stapler Bingo, Guess that Screensaver, and Hide the Letter Opener. Brian won a lot.

We had a lot of fun, until the cleaning crew woke us up with their vacuum cleaning and mopping.

I always see stuff like this.

I don't understand it. I was looking at pictures of people with prosthetic legs, and I came across a page with these six pictures:



It reminds me of the old Sesame Street bit with, "One of these things is not like the other."

I'm guessing the picture set I was looking through was tagged with the phrase, "Legs I'll probably always stare at."

Tetris with John McClane

Last night I played Tetris with John McClane. It was a good bout. At first, we decided to play co-op. We'd play every other game, trying to beat each other's score, and everything was fine. He was calm and collected.

Then we change to playing against each other, head-to-head.

Big mistake.

Oh, sure, the beginning was fine. He was calm and collected, then, when I got a 4 line Tetris, all of a sudden, he screams, "Yippie-Ki-ay, Motherfucker!" and kicks me in the ribcage. Then he finds a fireman's hose, ties it around his waist, and jumps off the top of my house, landing in the snow.

Then the crazy bastard whips out these semi-automatic machine guns, and runs away wearing nothing but a wifebeater, brown pants, and no shoes, screaming, "I'll get you, Hans!"

Just beware of a crazy SOB fitting that description, asking if you want to play Tetris.

It was just too fucking weird.

Dream Job

My dream job will include, but not be limited to:

1. No urine on the seat of the toilet. This will prevent said urine from dripping underneath the seat, coating my fingers when I lift the seat up.
2. A co-worker who doesn't inform me of every hot-flash she has.
3. Cubicles that inhibit the flow of background noise, not amplify it.

Please?

Death Toll Bridge

Really? First 6, then 7, up to 9, and now down to 4?

The only thing the coverage of this event is lacking is facts.

Tragedy

With every tragedy, comes ridiculous quotes and other things that anger me when I read about them.

"Obviously, this is a catastrophe of historic proportions for Minnesota," said Pawlenty said.

This line upsets for two reasons: First, because when all is said and done, and everybody looks back on this event, Tim Pawlenty wants to be remembered as the Governor who got everybody through these times. This is a catastrophe of ANY proportions, dickweed. Second, just read the sentence. "said Pawlenty said." Really? Did he say it twice? This is an AP article posted on Yahoo News. Now, after dating an AP-phile, I know that the standards associated with their "style" and journalism is second-to-none. Jesus...fix this. It makes you look like a goddamn commenter on some douchebag's blog.

Then, I read about additional coverage on the story:

* Rescuers brave horrific scene
* Cracking, vibration may have contributed to collapse, former NTSB official says
* Bridge was rated 'structurally deficient' in 2005
* 'It was the worst thing I've seen in my entire life'
* Contractor working on bridge repair is a major player in the state
* 59 on school bus survive plunge
* Hospitals deal with injuries
* Other bridge collapse disasters
* Wolves owner says his granddaughter was on bridge when it collapsed

What makes the Wolves owner so goddamn special, that he gets his own link to the tragedy by saying his granddaughter was on the bridge. That's about as relevant as saying that my third cousin knows someone who dated someone who walked on that bridge as a kid in the fifties. Who fucking cares? That being said, I hope she's ok.

Oh...and the seventh relevant story, "Hospitals deal with injuries"? Brilliant. Coming next, Police deal with crime, and the fire department extinguish fires.

I'm upset because now I have to deal with people saying to me, "Wow...how about that bridge collapse?" or the constant updates about how many people died, how many cars were involved, or how long it's going to take for the bridge to be rebuilt. It's not like I'm not looking for this information myself, and if I'm not, it's because I don't want to know. Quit bringing it up. I don't look forward to work today.

All in all, my thoughts are out there for the people involved with this, and I wish them the best. And I'd like to thank Yahoo News for giving me a little chuckle while reading:



I selected it to notify me when boom boom boom happens.

Please?

Morning, or evening?

Drunk Asian chick: What time is it?

Guy reading Harry Potter, two inches from his face: It's about 6:30.

DAC: Morning, or evening?

In front of Spyhouse.

Coke and Pepsi, Yen and Zen

There's a Coke Zero commercial currently airing on my local radio station. Basically the idea of the conversation is: This dude likes Coke Zero, but doesn't realize that no self respecting restaurant is going to replace any of their better selling products with Coke Zero. Needless to say, when the waitress appears and asks him what he wants to drink, of course he asks for Coke Zero.

"Would a Pepsi be ok?" she asks.

"No," he says. Then, in so many words he adds, "I'm a big pompous ass, and everywhere I go, I'll order Coke Zero. Even after reading the menu to see if you have choices listed, I'm probably going to ask you for Coke Zero anyway."

The watiress is stunned, "Wha?"

"And because I'm such a fucker, I carry Yen around with me, just so I can make a point. So, I'm going to ask you, 'What would you do if I said I wanted to pay in Yen?"

"We don't accept Yen," she replies back.

In his pre-recorded, dickface voice, he replies, "And I don't accept Pepsi. Even if that was all you had on the menu."

Biting her nails this whole time, the waitress doesn't even want to say anything more. She builds up the courage to ask him the only question she knows the answer to, "Is this going to affect my tip?"

"It will if you bring me a Pepsi, you Coke Zero Nazi."

Of course it won't affect her tip, because she wasn't getting one in the first place. Assholes like that who are so stingy that they have to ask for the only soda brand that a restaurant doesn't carry don't tip. No matter how good the service was. He should be thankful that the waitress even bothered to ask him if Pepsi was ok, because most waitresses/bartenders wouldn't.

Coke Zero-Guy should be kicked in his Coke Zero-nuts, and kicked the fuck out. Then he should be told that the next time he wants to buy a one-trick-pony of a soda pop again he should go try some fast food joint where they let you get your own goddamn drinks.

Prick.

Sprint and the pursuit of happiness.

Sprint is kicking my ass. False termination fees, unable to port my number. I can't elaborate on it too much, because it will just bring back bad memories of last night and this morning.

Long story short...I found out last night that I was being charged a $200 early termination fee. Turns out my account which ended on 7/10/07 actually ends some time in 2008. Now...I've since ported my number to a Tracfone, and then to a new Sprint account under their SERO plan (longer story as to why that had to happen). So I called Sprint's customer service over the course of last night and this morning. Roughly 3 hours later (I can't even stress how I'm not even close to exaggerating about this), 6 customer service people (when I got through), 3 of which didn't speak an English I could understand, and 3 dropped calls later. I didn't get anything resolved. When I did get to someone who I thought could help me, the call dropped.

Now, I'm back to two separate accounts with Sprint, my old account apparently has been adjusted back to a two year agreement (to end in '09 sometime), and my SERO account, which I totally love.

There's so much more to this than I want to tell right now.

Yeah. Kind of reminds me of this company.

Me: "Andy. Your tits are sweating again."

Andy: "Bob! Geo's pointing out my faults again!"

Bob: "Yeah. Kind of reminds me of this company."

Kill me. Please.

Can't sleep. Way too hot in my apartment, and just too darn hot in bed. Caroline's passed out. I'm so jealous of her for that. She says she's tired, and 5 minutes later, she's out. Me? I say I'm tired, and if I'm lucky, I'm out in an hour. Totally unfair.

That and I've been worried about money lately. Nothing too bad, but the goddamned parking tickets I got aren't helping, and rent is due, and I have a lousy job, and, and, and....

I need to change things. Now.

Caroline coloring.

Here is Caroline coloring in a HP fan to commemorate our time spent waiting in line, then leaving to get some food, then coming back to buy a book.

Yay commerce!

I did have a good time, however.

Harry Potter and th..Jesus Christ, what am I doing at Barnes and Noble at midnight?

Really? I'm going to the Harry Potter book release shindig at midnight at my local Barnes and Noble with Caroline.

First off, I don't read books much, let alone any of the HP books. Secondly, I'm not much for late night gatherings that interfere with my sleep.

That being said, I do, however, have a morbid curiosity as to the kind of people that do attend these functions. As a member of the superhero fanclub, I can appreciate these kind of things. I expect the antics to be of a different variety, though.

I recall the first Spider-Man movie. There was a dude in full costume, including silly-string web-shooters. But that was pretty much it. I don't remember anybody with knives attached to their knuckles for X-Men, or seeing any capes for Superman Returns (although there were a lot of t-shirts with the "S" logo, including my friend's)

Potter, on the other hand...hoh-boy.

I can only fathom what this will be like. It'll be halloween, all over again for some kids. Potter's glasses, eyeliner scars, mom's hand knit scarf, Ron's red hair, Hermione's cob-web hair, Hogwart's Emblem, Snape's evil stare, Dumbledore's beard, Hagrid's girth, Voldemort's nose. I imagine that almost everyone will be wearing some form of accessory to prove their devotion to the biggest thing since Choose Your Own Adventure.

Me? I was planning on going as Harry Potter at 30 years old. It wouldn't be much of a difference, but I think the kids wouldn't be happy with it.

Installed the Flock browser today

Looks good. I like the insta-publish it's offering. It'll take a while to play with all the features, but to quote Ronald McDonald, "I'm lovin' it!"

13 going on 30?

Although it feels more like Big, than TGOT. At least that's how I'd like it to be. Even to be 10% as charming as Tom Hanks, or to tap out Chopsticks with Robert Loggia, or even make out with a young Elizabeth Perkins.

I'm not old. I don't feel old. I refuse to be old. I know old people, and they suck. People start having kids, getting married. Big mistake.


Today's quick movie review.
Transformers: 8/10
Fun movie, neat cars, the chick is hot, "Autobots, roll out!", 'nuff said!

"I've always said he's a little squirrelly,"

Stubs, named for her stubby tail, showed up outside Cox's shop one day. He started throwing peanuts to her from across the sidewalk. Link.

crush.the.mall: The best posts of the day 4-26-07

One couple said they became suspicious when they took their "dog" to have its claws trimmed and were told it had hooves. Link

Smarties do not live up to their name.

"I'm going to open these Smarties to let them breathe. Like a fine glass of wine."

Today's quote of the day:

Company Accountant: "You sure are the optimist!"

C-Dog: "It beats being a pestimist. That can be bad for your health."

Pathetic

If I could use one word to describe today's "Total Co-worker Experience", that word would be pathetic. She's been in the office for 30 minutes, and I'm already annoyed. I personally think that there's people out there who go above and beyond their means to let people know they're sick, and I think my co-worker is one of them. I'm talking excessive coughing and wheezing, and that pathetic voice people use when they call in sick.

Maybe I'm easily irked. Who knows? But when I get told, "Hey, I'm gonna work as long as I possibly can today," I just wanna backhand her to next Tuesday.

Right now, it seems like today is one of those "Test my Patience" days. We have this ancient systems used for entering orders, and it beeps at us for various reasons; errors, file sharing issues, pricing, entry errors...etc... I'm willing to bet that she makes her computer beep, on average, more than twice as often than anybody else in the building. Not that it's entirely her fault, but I'd like to blame her on this one.

But if this goddamned pathetic sick voice continues much longer, I may just tweak out.