There's a Coke Zero commercial currently airing on my local radio station. Basically the idea of the conversation is: This dude likes Coke Zero, but doesn't realize that no self respecting restaurant is going to replace any of their better selling products with Coke Zero. Needless to say, when the waitress appears and asks him what he wants to drink, of course he asks for Coke Zero.
"Would a Pepsi be ok?" she asks.
"No," he says. Then, in so many words he adds, "I'm a big pompous ass, and everywhere I go, I'll order Coke Zero. Even after reading the menu to see if you have choices listed, I'm probably going to ask you for Coke Zero anyway."
The watiress is stunned, "Wha?"
"And because I'm such a fucker, I carry Yen around with me, just so I can make a point. So, I'm going to ask you, 'What would you do if I said I wanted to pay in Yen?"
"We don't accept Yen," she replies back.
In his pre-recorded, dickface voice, he replies, "And I don't accept Pepsi. Even if that was all you had on the menu."
Biting her nails this whole time, the waitress doesn't even want to say anything more. She builds up the courage to ask him the only question she knows the answer to, "Is this going to affect my tip?"
"It will if you bring me a Pepsi, you Coke Zero Nazi."
Of course it won't affect her tip, because she wasn't getting one in the first place. Assholes like that who are so stingy that they have to ask for the only soda brand that a restaurant doesn't carry don't tip. No matter how good the service was. He should be thankful that the waitress even bothered to ask him if Pepsi was ok, because most waitresses/bartenders wouldn't.
Coke Zero-Guy should be kicked in his Coke Zero-nuts, and kicked the fuck out. Then he should be told that the next time he wants to buy a one-trick-pony of a soda pop again he should go try some fast food joint where they let you get your own goddamn drinks.
Prick.
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