-- Sent from my Palm Pre

from a co-worker today

I usually don't forward emails, but this is too funny and true to not pass on, especially if you're a golfer, which I'm not:



Many of you may not know it, but I have been very busy over the last 2 years putting my thoughts and ideas together in a book.
I am very proud of the results and to assist with the marketing, I am asking friends and family to help me out.

I believe my new book on GOLF gives the reader valuable playing tips and insider information that I have gained through my years of struggle and experience. I'm hopeful you find this a useful tool to help you enjoy your game that much more as you enjoy the great outdoors.

The cost is only $9.95.  Don't wait until they're all gone !!!!

Chapter 1 - How to Properly Line Up Your Fourth Putt.

Chapter 2 - How to Hit a Nike from the Rough, when you Hit a Titleist from the tee.

Chapter 3 - How to Avoid the Water When You Lie 8 in a bunker.

Chapter 4 - How to Get More Distance off the Shank.

Chapter 5 - When to Give the Ranger the Finger.

Chapter 6 - Using Your Shadow on the Greens to Maximize Earnings.

Chapter 7 - When to Implement Handicap Management.

Chapter 8 - Proper Excuses for Drinking Beer Before 9:00 a.m.

Chapter 9 - How to Rationalize a 6 Hour Round.

Chapter 10- When Does A Divot become classified as Sod.

Chapter 11 - How to Find That Ball That Everyone Else Saw Go in the water.

Chapter 12 - Why your Spouse Doesn't Care That You Birdied the 5th.

Chapter 13- Using Curse words Creatively to Control  Ball Flight.

Chapter 14-When to Let a Foursome Play through Your Twosome.

Chapter 15 - How to Relax When You Are Hitting five off the Tee.

Chapter 16 - When to Suggest Major Swing Corrections to Your Opponent.

Chapter 17 - God and the Meaning of the Birdie-to-Bogey Three Putt.

Chapter 18 - When to Regrip Your Ball Retriever.

Chapter 19- Throwing Your Clubs: An Effective  stress-Reduction Technique.

Chapter 20 - Can You Purchase a Better Golf Game?

Chapter 21 - Why Male Golfers Will Pay $5.00 a Beer from the Cart Girl and Give her a $3 Tip, but will balk at $4.50 at the 19th Hole and stiff the Bartender

reminded

I was just reminded of two of the dumbest things I hear on a regular basis. Unfortunately, I say them, too...but that doesn't mean I don't hate myself afterwards:

"What can I do ya for?"

Ugh...that just makes me vomit in my mouth every time I hear it. It's like the sly, clever sex pun that is neither sly nor clever.

"It is what it is."

Really? Is it? What exactly is what it is if it is what it is?

fruit stripe gum - a love letter

Dear Fruit Stripe Gum,

I love you. You are the metaphor for the perfect woman. It starts with your included tattoos, which are very sexy. Then, you are lightly dusted to prevent sticking (I'm not quite sure how this relates to a woman. Yet.). You are the sweetest tasting thing I have ever known. Your flavor is unique, yet tantalizing. I think about you all the time.

Then your flavor runs out, the uniqueness is gone, and I spit you out, and move on to the next piece.

It doesn't get much better than that.

Love,

Geoff

you know who else ate everybody he killed?

From the Fark headline:
Eliza Dushku: "I like bow-hunting. I eat everything I kill." PETA: "You know who else ate everyone he killed?"

http://forums.fark.com/cgi/fark/comments.pl?IDLink=4179377

I didn't get much further in the comments, but the first one is the best. I chuckled.

I learned something new today

I learned that no matter how hard I try, I cannot jam a Dum-Dum brand lollipop up my nose.

Unless I suck on it for about 20 minutes.

do you know what's loud?

the goddamn click wheel on my mouse at work. Seriously. It sounds like I'm toppling dominoes every single time I scroll down a webpage. They need to make a "stealth mouse" or something.

I know I read somewhere that you can actually take/remove/modify the click mechanism, but that involves tools, time and patience. At the same time, and I usually run at two out of three.

I swear...it echoes.

surfer's guilt

I just recently (2 minutes ago) took into consideration the fact that some people out there have nicely added my blog to their list of blogs the enjoy reading. Then I realized that I don’t even have the common courtesy to update it on a regular basis. For that I apologize. For everything else, I make zero apologies. NONE.

 

I’m not even going to say that I’ve been busy, because I really haven’t.

 

There really hasn’t been that much to write about, and then I’ve been trying to be better at being on the internet at work. Less internet means less time available for posting stuff, which means more time to do, um, my job. Surfer’s guilt.

 

I’m on the last legs of having a cold though, and with a great cold comes great responsibility. For instance, if you have a beard that includes a moustache, as I do, you run the risk of difficulty while blowing your nose. Since the hairs of the moustache lie directly below the nostrils, the chance of snot catching in those hairs is HUGE. It’s gross, I know, but it only lasts for a week. But gals…think about that before you lick your man’s moustache. Or grow your own.

 

LOST

 

I’m so glad this show is on. I was worried that I wouldn’t have anything to do on Wednesday nights anymore. Seriously. Could this show be any more intriguing and well written?

 

 

Accident Orange

I usually make it in before the sun rises, so it was a nice bright treat to see the sun before I got into work. What was really cool about it was this flare that rose above the sun. Where the sun was a bright yellow, the flare was “Accident Orange”…and rose what seemed like miles above the sun.

Also, there were 2 flares, equidistant from the sun that looked like a broken version of a rainbow. It only had 2 colors, orangish red and yellowish orange. It looked like it was formed from the billions of snow/steam/ice/rain particles that were floating very close to the ground. Close is a relative term, as I actually mean maybe at the highest point it was 200 feet high.

If I wasn’t already late for work, and filled with road rage, I probably would have taken a picture. If I had my camera with me, of course.

I’m including a drawing, which doesn’t even come close to what I saw:

it's official

website domain has been purchased. blog's been set up (but we all know that it will barely be updated).

Pretty soon, Fossil Fuel Lad will be alive and well and thriving on the internets!

Oh...don't bother clicking the link quite yet...there's nothing on it, save for a link back to this site. Ha.