I'm gonna change professions

This one seems to pay better than what I'm making now. And I can meet so many interesting people.

Dream Job

My dream job will include, but not be limited to:

1. No urine on the seat of the toilet. This will prevent said urine from dripping underneath the seat, coating my fingers when I lift the seat up.
2. A co-worker who doesn't inform me of every hot-flash she has.
3. Cubicles that inhibit the flow of background noise, not amplify it.

Please?