hate spoilers

I hate myself for needing to know the storyline and secrets. I ruin it for myself.

With NBC's Heroes, I could never get enough information. I played their little ARG, participated in all the viral marketing I could to find out all of the information I could possibly find.

Then there's LOST. Hoo, boy....don't get me started. Really. I did everything with LOST that I did for Heroes, but like....times ten. There was a fantastic ARG during Season 2 that I didn't entirely participate in, but I followed on a very regular basis. And you can find me every Friday, going through countless sites trying to find out next week's storyline.

But, what I hate worse than finding out things I want to know, are things I don't want to know. When people post spoilers to things that are better appreciated when they aren't previously unknown. This is the reason I stay until after the credits roll. Ferris Bueller's Day Off and X-Men United (lamest name for a movie ever) are two great examples. One movie provides humor, the other, hope for a sequel.

NOW...when a movie less than a week old, DO NOT POST SPOILER INFORMATION, Mike Krumboltz, you asshole. Now, I'm not going to post the link that I read, or even reveal the subject I was reading about. But what was revealed shouldn't have been because I wanted to see it for myself.

All you needed to say was, "Go see the movie, and stay until the credits are finished." Instead, you blew your load in one tug, you pre-ejaculating, spoiler fuck.

There's gotta be a spoiler rule.

Save the toddler, save the world.

Screwdriver head child.

Apparently the tot in this story has some amazing regenerative abilities, a la Claire from NBC’s Heroes. With barely any bleeding, and a slight scar on her eyelid, she’s just fine, vision and all.

Now, my twist on the story is that every time I was dragged to church, I felt like sticking a screwdriver in my eye. I never had the balls to do it, but this kid? I’m impressed.

Another question; If one does not believe in god, do they still have to capitalize every reference to it? Him, He, God, His Lord Al Mighty, the Father, the Big Guy…etc…etc? I don’t ever remember reading in the “Yellow Book of English Rules” we had in our possession in the 8^th grade (follow the Yellow Book rules! Follow the Yellow Book rules!) about having to ever use that kind of capitalization, but I only ever just skimmed the thing. I remember it having rules for pre-internet internet references. That was weird.

I miss the 8^th grade. That was, um, 1990? Wow. The lottery was just introduced, and Doug Engel was getting his ass kicked by my friend Chuck Williams for being a prick. Those were the days.